


Unfairly Beautiful

by snowkatze



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Bookstores, Coffee Shops, First Dates, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 11:40:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11184351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowkatze/pseuds/snowkatze
Summary: After Baz accidentally reveals his feelings for Simon, they go on a date. Problem is, Baz has never taken someone on a date before.





	Unfairly Beautiful

I wish I was able to say right now that I have absolutely got the hang of this, but the truth is that I'm not half as smug as I act. Of course I pretend I've gone on a hundred dates before and that I'm a master at this, but really, I have no clue what I'm doing. The worst part is that he knows how this works, he's good at this, he's _better_ at this than I am. After all, he's had a girlfriend before. And I'm new to this. I'm a raw recruit. (I'm afraid I'll disappoint him. Or rather, myself.)

But this is important because it is supposed to convince him that there should be a second date. And many more dates and hand-holding and kissing and... whatever. Should I take his hand right now? Would that be coming on too strong? I don't want to scare him off. Then again, it's just a hand, for Crowley's sake. I carefully let my fingers brush against his.

We're on our way to the book store and he tells me something about what happened to Bunce this morning, but I'm only half listening. The other half is freaking out right now. Obviously, I'm not letting it show, but one half of my brain thinks about what he says and the other half shouts “HOLY SHIT”, repeatedly, and followed by the odd “FUCK I'M ON A DATE WITH SIMON SNOW”. Honestly, what the fuck is happening. Part of me thinks I'm having hallucinations. 

_Okay, Baz. Collect yourself. If you're doing this, you need to be fully present. Just concentrate on the date. Concentrate on Simon._

Is he even going to like it at the book store? What the hell was I thinking, taking Simon Snow to a date in a book store? I just panicked and thought about a place that relaxes me. A familiar environment. He's going to hate this date, isn't he? He gave me a shot, _one_ shot, and I ruin it. Of course.

I think that maybe he's just pulling my leg. Or maybe I've gone crazy. Last week, Simon Snow looked so stunning, and perhaps I just went mad looking at him. Wouldn't be all that surprising, to be honest.

 

_I sat on my bed, reading a book, when suddenly, I heard the door open. I lifted my head and saw Snow standing in the door way. I felt my breath catch in my throat._

“ _Have – Have you gotten a new sweater?”_  
“Huh? Oh. Yeah. Penny picked it for me.”  
Fucking Bunce. And his hair. What was up with his hair today? I couldn't stop staring at him. So, what? Now that we're almost-friends, all my self-control has jumped out of the window?! I put the book down, but kept my gaze on his face. It made me almost angry. What gave him the right to show up in our room, looking so fucking beautiful?

“ _Baz?”_

_He gave me a weird look. Because, yes, in that moment, I_ was  _losing my mind, a little bit. And maybe I had been slacking. Since we were on a truce, I'd allowed myself way too often to enjoy myself. I'd forgotten where the lines were. I'd forgotten that I wasn't allowed to shamelessly admire Snow._

“ _Why are you staring at me like that?”  
And then he came closer to me because he has no discretion or sense for self-preservation whatsoever. And my mouth had gone dry, and my brain had killed itself along with my self-control, and as a result I couldn't form any coherent words. Or, well, I guess they were coherent, but not logical or sensible._

_I wanted to shout at him and get angry for being so freaking attractive, but when I finally spoke, my voice came out soft._

“ _Because I would really like to kiss you right now.”_

_And then I kept staring at him, with glassy eyes, because I'm an idiot. Only when he said: “What!?” I snapped out of it._ Thanks for coming back, brain, you're only ten seconds and one self-destructive sentence too late. All that you can do now is write my testament, you useless thing.

_Simon recoiled and I jumped up. He looked at me like he was afraid of me, like I was about to Turn him or rip off his head or – maybe that's just what he looked like when he thought I was about to kiss him. Moron. As if I'd ever kiss him. Not even when I was completely out of my senses. I'm not suicidal, after all._

_Then he turned around and slammed the door shut. My heart was beating fast and I fell back on the bed, thinking that this time, I'd truly fucked up._

 

Snow doesn't react to my hand against his, but it might just be because he's too self-absorbed, not because he's ignoring me. So I decide to just go for it, and intertwine his fingers with mine. For one anxious moment, he doesn't respond, but then he wraps his fingers around my hand and keeps talking, as if nothing had happened. Nothing  _has_ happened. Except for Simon Snow holding my hand,  _holy shit._

I'm afraid my palm will start sweating, even though it rarely does. It's ridiculous, but I fear that Snow will decide that he'll never hold my hand again. (And as pathetic as it sounds, most of the reason why I resent that thought is because his touch makes me feel alive, not because it'd hurt my feelings.)

Finally, I spot the sign of the little second-hand shop.

“There it is,” I exclaim and pull Simon with me into the shop. See, the problem is that I hadn't actually planned further ahead than this. What do I do, now that I'm in a book store on a date with the boy I've been in love with for almost eight years?

But then, suddenly, Snow turns to me and sends me a smile that makes my heart clench.

“This is so you, Baz. I think I always imagined a date with you involved books.”

“You imagined me on a date?”  
“Uhm. Yeah. Well. I guess I just wondered whether you ever had a girlfriend.”  
_Idiot. Of course he didn't imagine_ himself _on a date with you.  
_ So, I don't push it. I just tighten my grip around his hand. Somehow, it steadies me and I take a deep breath to clear my head.

“So,” I smirk. “What kind of books does the Chosen One read?”  
He shoots me an insecure glance.

“I, um, don't exactly read much.”  
“What?!”  
“Christ, Baz, don't look at me like I just murdered your child. I just don't have much time, you know, between slaying monsters and school and all...”  
“Well, reading is important. Knowledge is power, Snow. How are you going to take over the world if you have never read Shakespeare or, I don't know, 'A Brief History of Time' by Stephen Hawking?”

He giggles.  
“Of course you think you'd need bloody _Shakespeare_ to take over the world. Anyway, if you're going to keep calling me the Chosen One, you can't expect me to have any evil takeover plans. That's like, the part of the supervillain. I'm supposed to stop you.”

“See, you _do_ know about literature.”

“Or about bad superhero movies. Does that make you happy?”  
“It's a start.”

When Snow smiles, the corners of his eyes crinkle and his cheeks get dimples and his eyes light up – it's a vivid spectacle. One he hasn't shown me that often.

The ceiling of the store is rather low, and the shelves take up all the room. The books are old and broken, but I prefer this store to regular ones. For one, there are never many people here. Usually, there are only one or two people beside me. Also, these books seem familiar. Their dusty look and weird smell reminds me of home.

To me, this store is like a hiding place. A refuge, far away from reality.

I guess I should've thought more about bringing Simon here. About the fact that he could never understand what this place means to me.

“So, what are we doing here?”  
“Buying books, obviously.”

He still hasn't let go of my hand. I tug him down the aisle.

“Let's make it a game.”

“What game?”  
“Like a contest. Who can find the most ridiculous book title?”

“What?”  
“Come on, Snow. Most of these books are the trash that people didn't want any more. I'm sure we'll find some good stuff.”

“Okay, then. It's on.”

Unfortunately, he lets go of my hand, so we can walk in different directions. We spend a few minutes searching, before meeting again.

“Alright, let me start,” Snow says and holds up a book. 'How to Avoid Huge Ships'.  
“Very useful,” I remark. “But not as useful as this.”  
I show him 'the Manly Art of Knitting'.

“Hm, I'll give you that one. But I also found some for you. Here.”  
He gives me 'The Practical Pyromaniac'. I glare at him. Fine. Two can play this game.

“Funny, Snow, because I also found some very fitting ones for you.”  
Then, I hand him 'How to Raise Your I.Q. by Eating'. He snickers.

“If you figured out how to do this, I think you could even outsmart Bunce.”

“Fine, but I think I can beat you on that one,” he says and holds up 'Eating People is Wrong'. Fuck him.

“'Everything I Want to Do Is Illegal'.”  
“There's a book called like that?”  
He laughs and my anger washes away. Until he shows me his last book. 'Fancy Coffins To Make Yourself'.

I can't believe him.

“Thought you might need it.”

I raise my head, gather some dignity and say: “'Anybody Can Be Cool.'”  
Then I take a pause for dramatic tension. I lower my gaze.

“'...but Awesome Takes Practise.'”  
I shove the book in Snow's face. He bursts out laughing.

“Okay, fine, you win. What now?”  
“Now we go and find the ugliest cover.”

Which goes well, until I show him the cover of Twilight and he says: “But... Baz! That's your life story!”

I role my eyes. I shouldn't have brought him here. I should've known he would just keep making stupid vampire jokes at me.

I can't remember the last time I ever laughed so much. (I can't remember _if_ I ever laughed so much.) Eventually, we sink down next to each other and just sit on the floor. Simon turns his head and gives me the tiniest smile. I can't help but beam at him. ( _Beam? Really, Baz? Contain yourself._ But I can't. I can't stop it. I think I feel almost – could it be? Am I really – Am I _happy_? Damn.)

I reach out my hand and Snow takes it and I can't believe that I'm sitting in a smelly book store next to a cute guy who holds my hand. No, not just a cute guy. Next to _Simon Snow_. The guy with the destiny girlfriend who was supposed to kill me some day. He's here. With me. It seems so unreal and unlikely. The only thing keeping me on the ground is the soft squeeze of his fingers. And I know that he's real.

“I actually do have a favourite book, you know,” he says now, softly.

“Tell me about it,” I answer and start tracing circles on the back of his hand.

“Okay, so, it's about this orphan who is supposed to save the world. She has to defend it against an evil villain, but she's actually just a kid.”  
“Sounds familiar.”  
“Don't mock me about this.”  
“I'm not mocking you. I'm listening. Just... tell me more, please.”  
“Well, the world is on her shoulders and she crumbles apart underneath it. And, then, one day it just gets too much. And she shows up at the villain's hideout, but she doesn't want to fight... Just talk. All she wants is to understand him.”  
I swallow and avert my eyes.

“So, they talk, and they become friends.”  
“Just like that?”  
“Yeah... Just like that.”

For a moment, we just look in each other's eyes. My heart is racing fast and I'm sure this means something, but I can't think straight.

“I guess they are both villains after that, and someone needs to come to remind them again what it means to be human, but... at least they have each other.”

My voice is raw when I try to speak.

“I – I'd like to read it sometime.”  
Tentatively, Simon pushes a book in my hand. I look down and see that it's the one he's just been talking about.

He sheepishly looks up at me.

“Yeah, I found it and... wanted to give it to you.”

“Thanks.”

I'm on the verge of tears and I don't understand why. I just push the book close to my heart and hold it there. I try to calm myself and stand up, offering Snow a hand.

“Let's go,” I say and smirk. “I'm not done yet.”

 

_I was half mad when Snow returned. So what now? Was he going to start a fight? I was tired of fighting._

_Snow didn't look at me and I wondered whether it was always going to be that way from now on. He would never be able to even look at me again. He would probably act like even more of a moron than he already was around me._

_But then he got closer and sat on the bed next to me. My body tensed up and I waited for him to speak. (To humiliate me? To rip out my heart and stomp on it?)_

_He looked so lost, so confused, that for a second I thought he didn't even know he was here. Or that I was right next to him. Then he reached out a hand, but I flinched away._

_If he wasn't going to speak, fine, I'd do it._

“ _Listen, Snow, we can just forget this happened, okay? It'll be fine. Just pretend I never mentioned anything.”_

“ _Baz...” he said as if he hadn't heard me. “Have you – Are you -”_

_I didn't answer, I just pulled my knees up and hugged them with my arms._

“ _Please,” I whimpered, because I'd have pleaded him if I had to. I'd have done anything to make him act like the last hour had never happened._

“ _I don't want to pretend you never said that.”_

_Of course he didn't. I pressed my forehead against my knees. All I wanted was for this nightmare to end._

“ _So what are you going to do now?” I asked. “Torment me?”_

“ _I was thinking -”_

 _He hesitated._  
“You could take me on a date.”  
“What?!”  
Had he really just said that?

“ _On Saturday.”_  
“Are you trying to trick me?”  
“No, I'm serious. Completely.”  
He looked at me with wide eyes and I couldn't do anything other than stare at him.

“ _I want to try this. Please.”  
Try this? Try what? Was he insane?_

“ _O-okay.”  
Was _ I _insane?_

 

I still don't know what he is getting out of this, but I'm going to make it last for as long as I can. (Does he want to be my boyfriend? No. Possibly?)

We're sitting in the coffee shop just around the corner. Snow is sipping the Pumpkin Mocha Breve that the barista makes just for me. I'm a regular in this Starbucks but Snow's never been here before.

“How can you drink that?” Snow asks and pulls a face. “It tastes like a candy bar.”  
“What's wrong with that?”

“Nothing at all.”

I shoot him a mistrustful glance, but he ignores me and starts talking about his favourite drinks. He looks different, the way his eyes glow. It might just be the lighting, but he's practically shining. (It might just be how ridiculously enamoured I am with him.)

It's nice sitting here, at a table by the window, just talking about nothing and everything.

And I do like listening to him. I want to know everything about him, every thought he has, no matter how ridiculous. And I want to keep seeing his eyes glow like that, and his smile brighten exactly that way... I don't think I'll ever grow tired of looking at him. Or holding his hand. As long as he'll let me.

Before I know it, we are the only ones left and it's gone dark outside. I want to keep him here, just save this moment forever. But the barista gives me an impatient look and I know that every moment has to end sometime.

 

Back in our room, I know that I somehow have to put an end to the date. I have to say something, something like: “That was nice,” or “Could we do this again, sometime?”  
Maybe I should kiss him. But I've never kissed anyone before, and perhaps he doesn't want me to either. Perhaps it's just me whose heart is beating fast and who can't let this moment go.

“So,” he says and I close my eyes because I can't bare to look at him.

“So, uhm,” I mutter, because I'm at a loss of words. He should say something, shouldn't he? He knows how this kind of thing works.

“So, did I ruin it?” I eventually say. “Will you not go on a second date with me?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean,” I take a deep breath, “have you decided if you want to go on a second date?”  
I stay still for a second. Then he laughs. I turn my head away. I guess that means no. I try not to blush, and fail. I don't want him to know how humiliated I am. One date. I should be glad he even let me have that.

But then he grabs my arm.

“I was always going to go on a second date with you. I'd even go on a second date if this had been the most terrible date in the world.”  
“Was it?”  
“No, you idiot.”  
“But I took you to the book store and you don't even like reading.”

He smiles. I think it's killing me.

“It doesn't matter _where_ you take me, Baz, as long as it's with you.”  
“But you have gone on so many dates already – you're an expert and I've never done this before...”  
“You've never done this before?”

He looks surprised. Fuck. I didn't mean for him to know that. Then, I just shrug.

“I've only been in love once.”  
“Only once? With whom?”  
I glare at him. Seconds pass, then he gets it.

“Oh.”  
“Yeah.”

My hands start fidgeting.  
“Too soon?”  
You aren't supposed to declare your love on the first date. Even I know that. (Especially when there's a high chance that it's not reciprocated.)  
“No, I – I think I'm in love with you, Baz.”  
I look up in his bright honest eyes and I don't believe him. How could I believe him? But then he lifts his hand to touch my cheek. My eyes flutter closed and I'm lost.

“I love you, Baz,” he repeats, and I'm completely gone.

“I don't want this date to end,” Simon whispers.  
“Me neither,” I whisper back and pull him towards his bed. We lay next to each other, wordless, just staring into each other's eyes. And we simply don't let it end. Tonight, I'm falling asleep next to Simon Snow. It's a miracle. It's impossible. And he's still holding my hand.

 


End file.
